


Anthem of the Marching Ants

by faux_planet



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:18:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4283472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faux_planet/pseuds/faux_planet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin remembers to buy the milk on Monday mornings.<br/>Rin remembers the red sandals Gou lost on a hike when she was 6.<br/>Rin remembers it takes 100,000 light years to reach the center of the Milky Way. </p><p>"Let's go to space together, ok?" He had asked.<br/>Rin doesn't remember. He doesn't remember his answer, and he certainly doesn't remember the boy in his dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very self-indulgent, so my bad if you don't agree with the characterizations. I've run out of Sourin fictions to read on here (there's a limit to rereads), so I decided I'll just have to sate my own appetite. 
> 
> This has nothing to do with swimming and everything to do with crime, love and maybe a little bit of outer space. 
> 
> I also have no beta, so expect to find mistakes. Sorry!

_“You know, I saw a documentary on space expedition last night.”_

_His attention drifts up from the pavement, eyes in the direction of the boy crouching next to him. He can hear him, he thinks he knows him, but the features of his companion are distorted._

_“They said we might live on Mars one day. I asked my mum about it, but she said it’s a long way off.” There was a catch in his voice. “Space is so big, Rin. It’s so much bigger and wider than I thought.”_

_Rin doesn’t know what to say, but he remembers this. He remembers this from a long time ago._

_“Earth is so small, Rin. We’re like a dot in the galaxy. And people are even smaller. I think we’re like ants to aliens. Maybe even less. ”_

_The boy slumps over dramatically._

_“If you think about it like that, it’s like we’re nothing at all. Scary, huh?”_

_He doesn’t see, but remembers the boy is not looking at him. He remembers watching a cicada struggling in wet cement outside their housing complex, fascinated as the creature kicks its little legs out desperately from the sticky mix._

_“I wonder how it feels.”_

_Rin doesn’t know whether he’s talking about the cicada or space. He doesn’t think so at least. He’s too busy trying to remember something important. It’s on the tip of his tongue._

_He watches as the boy reached for the cicada with the end of his popsicle stick. It was a Garigari-Kun. He doesn’t know how, but he remembers it’s something the boy often had during summer._

_“I want to know how it feels to watch the Earth from up there.”_

_Ah. He thinks. I want to know too._

_His own voice surprises him. He's not sure if he had spoke until he feels his companion’s eyes on him. But he doesn’t quite remember after that. The boy opens his mouth, and Rin strains his ears. It was harder to hear. He can’t hear, but he thinks he knows what is being said._

_“ –together.”_

_The sudden flick of his wrist diverted Rin’s attention. He watches as the boy brings down the popsicle stick closer to the cicada._

_To live or to die._

_He doesn’t remember after that._

 

 

 

 

It was during Matsuoka Rin’s 27th birthday celebration when he finally decided to overview his life, while slightly intoxicated. Slumped against the balcony of his home, he watched the world in threes, head still a little dizzy from the sake Nagisa had bought from the convenience store down the road. He rested his thumping head against the cold metal bars and relished at the cooling relief it gave his pounding head. Distantly, he could pick up on the muffled sounds of the stupid Doraemon argument between his sister and Nagisa.

He wondered at what point in his life did he settle for what he had now.

It was never in his plans to own and operate an adult store. Life had simply led him down this road. Unable to hold down an orthodox job after graduation, it was perhaps a miracle when Rin accidentally came across an auction of a cheap plot in downtown Tokyo. Sure, it wasn’t the best of areas considering the reputation of the district, but the price was too good to pass up. Using up a favor from Rei he had help renovating the place into an adult store, sparing what’s little left of his savings by turning the second floor into a small living space. It wasn’t where he thought he would be at the age of 27, but it was cozy and comfortable enough to call his own.

Rin didn’t mind the street brawls or the occasional prostitute on the sidewalk. He’s not unfamiliar with violence, but he’s not stupid enough to get in the way of other people’s business. Rin didn’t look for trouble; it was just inexplicably attracted to him. Considering the type of people living around the neighborhood, Rin supposed it made sense that he would open up an adult store. He supposed it also made sense for the presence of Yakuzas. He didn’t have the time to contemplate the chance of that happening before two underlings turned up at his door. He understood what their presence had meant. He had seen it happen once before, when he was dining in the newly opened sushi place next door. Without hesitation Haru had slipped over an envelope from under the counter, along with two bags of pre-packaged sushi. The two men snatched the offerings wordlessly and strolled out the door with a holler before the customers were even aware of their presence. In some ways Rin was glad he didn’t open up a food joint, they weren’t such big fans of free dildos.

“Rin.”

Jerked out of his thoughts, he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. He didn’t have to open his eyes to recognize the smell of hydrangeas. It was their mother’s favorite.

“Gou.”

He’s met with the worry in her eyes.

It’s not often that Gou visits. But he’s especially homesick when he sees her. At times like this, he has the urge to call his mother and hear her voice. He’s not sure if she’ll still comfort him with her soft voice like she use to, before everything. To nurse his guilt away until it becomes a dull, insignificant ache in the back of his heart. But he knows she will, and that’s simply unbearable for him.

“Don’t fall asleep outside.” She chided gently, shuffling to settle down next to him.

He hums a little and tips his head back, his red hair spilling over the breach of the bars. He’s comforted by her presence, his head a little clearer, cheeks cooler. She’s warm by his side, and he can’t help but to think that Matsuoka Gou is a truer Matsuoka than he could ever be.

Ever since they were little, their father had said that the Matsuoka family burned like the sun. A family lineage built on a hot fiery passionate red. They shine too brightly among others, a star in the sky too scalding to touch and too brilliant to ignore. _There’s a fire deep within all of us, Rin. You must think and act wisely; it’s the only way for you to protect your loved ones._

With a bitter taste in the back of his throat, Rin released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. That uneasy feeling was back again. It was the same voice over and over again. Pathetic. Even in his death, the elder Matsuoka dominated his thoughts. Grasping for his full attention until he’s left feeling emotionally drained.

Rin knows what the problem is. That’s the problem.

He’s running away from the fire. That stupid Matsuoka fire.

He’s running away from where Gou is. Where his mother is. Where his father was.

He’s running away from the fire and he doesn’t want to stop.

A little chirping sound interrupts his inner turmoil and he almost sighs in relief. Gou reaches into her pocket and turns off the notification on her phone. The clock indicates midnight.

“Happy Birthday Rin.” Gou smiles gently.

A soft press of lips against his temple, a chaste kiss, a gesture of love.

He nearly cries.

There are a million things he wants to say. A million things he wants to admit. _I’m sorry. I’m so sorry._

But he thanks her instead.

He doesn’t understand why there are apologies in her eyes.


	2. ii

Aside from the occasional group of curious schoolboys, Rin’s afternoons at the store are often spent in blissful silence. His regular customers preferred to show their face during nightfall, it was a routine Rin used to his advantage for a few minutes of shuteye. Considering that Rin spent almost 20 hours at the counter per day, he had memorized all his regulars.

 

There are three types of regulars who frequent his store.

 

The first kind are those who would stand in aisles inspecting all the figurines, flicking through all the adult videos, touching the covers of all the books, and then promptly fast walk past the toys section with nervous eyes. He knew they’re embarrassed, so Rin learned how to monitor them discretely. When they finally decide, it was usually something normal, something featuring a housewife or a nurse. Rin knew it’s not what they really came here for.

 

The second kind comes in and out like they’re on a mission. They’re all calm and cool exteriors, but they keep glancing at the doors like they’re about to get caught by the police. Rin doesn’t like these kinds of customers. It’s often a toss up between shyness and a guilty conscience. But he thinks it’s endearing the way they come up to the counter like they’re a hair away from spontaneous combustion. _Just this please_ they would act nonchalantly, and Rin had to stop the urge to mess with them.

 

The third kind contributes the most to his overall profit. The ones who are unabashedly open about what they want. Rin considered himself a worldly person; he’s not averse to admitting he has quite the experience under his belt. But these kinds of customers are the ones who teach him new things. He had heard it all, new toys, new books and new fetishes he doesn’t know exists, or physically possible.

 

It was how Matsuoka Rin, 27 this year, learned a lot about sex from his 25 year old employee.  

 

Just like everything else in his life, Hazuki Nagisa had simply lodged into his daily life like he had always been there. One day he was purchasing a pink waterproof vibrator, and before Rin knew it he was drinking upstairs with the self-proclaimed sex addict. _I make love with people that I love_ Nagisa corrected him. Rin didn't understand but he acknowledged their differences, which seemed to satisfy Nagisa.

 

Just like everything else in his life, Rin guessed it was fitting that every one of his friendships came as easily and naturally as Nagisa.

 

Nanase Haruka, the owner of the sushi restaurant next door took over the business a little after Rin’s own settlement. It was after a particularly long day back from the bank when Rin noticed the man crouching outside his own establishment, staring hard at an explicit spray painted dick under the sushi sign. He watched as the man took out several paint cans of his own and started to spray over the graffiti. It was a project that carried over the length of several days. The man would slave over the mural come break time and it wasn’t until the third day Rin finally realized what he was looking at.

 _That’s fucking bomb_ Rin had slammed his hands on the counter top in his enthuse. He hadn’t meant to startle the silent man but he couldn’t contain his excitement. The mural was like something out of his childhood memory, the days when he lived his life for swimming. There was a similar mural just outside the public pool back in Iwatobi. Rin would pass by the crystalline underwater world every lesson time with his sister. He told Haru this over nigirizushi and is surprised to find they both shared the same hometown. _I can’t believe I’ve never seen you. I use to swim too._ Rin wonders, because Iwatobi is a small place.

 

He asked Haru to paint him something and was surprised when the man sketched the outlines of a shark. Haru engraved the symbol around the frames of Rin’s shop window and finished with a touch of red.

 

Rin thought Haru could’ve been a great artist.

 

Out of all his friendships, Ryuugazaki Rei has known Rin the longest. Rei at the age of 15 was a boy with long limbs, a lanky figure and clear mind for precision. He had the body type best suited for activities on land, so it was a wonder why Rin had first met him in the water. He saw the boy; he couldn’t miss him, at the indoor public pool, fronting an embarrassing display in the shallow end. Flailing miserably in the water, a high school Matsuoka took pity on the boy and pulled him up to teach him about balance. That day Rei learned how to float and Rin learned his new friend’s fondness for beauty. _You’re beautiful in the water_ Rin swore Rei’s eyes had sparkled in that moment. It was the first time he had been called beautiful by anyone. Blushing the color of his hair, Rin had called Rei an odd ball and pushed him in the pool. To be perfectly honest, Rei is still an oddball.

 

“Who’s an odd ball?”

 

Rin jerked up in surprise and immediately regrets the notion. Last night’s celebration still left him a little nauseous. Lifting his fingers to his temple, he saw Nagisa blinking owlishly down at him, a devious smile on his lips.

 

Rin frowned, he didn’t even hear the little _ding_ coming from the front door.

 

“What do you want?” He croaks roughly, clearing his throat. He hadn't spoken to anyone all morning. “Your shift isn’t for another three hours.” He eyed his blond employee suspiciously.

 

“It’s so hot outside.” Nagisa whined, sweaty hands pawing at the figurines on the counter.

 

“So buy a fan for your apartment.”

 

It was particularly hard to operate a business during summer time, especially when the budget doesn’t cover an air conditioning system. Rin had to settle for several mediocre fans he rummaged from a bargain bin. He wasn’t too upset with the heat himself, but he’d rather not have any customers passing out from overheating.

 

“Have you been cooped up in here all day?” Nagisa’s voice called out from behind a shelf. Rin could hear the little click on the fan being turned on.

 

“Where else would I go?”

 

Ah. He realized, sneaking a glance at the clock on the wall. That’s what he had forgotten. Lunch.

 

Rin reached for his wallet and stood up to stretch. “I’m going to head out for a bit, so watch the store for me.”

 

Nagisa’s pale arm shot up from the top of the shelf. “Get me some yukimi daifuku from the store.” He called out, pulling the bottom hem of his shirt over the fan.

 

Nagisa sings until he’s out the door.

 

 

 

 

 

If possible, the air is even stuffier outside.

 

Sticking close to the shades from the trees, Rin contemplated going back for a hat.

 

He doesn’t remember much about playing under the sun during summer. He had spent the majority of his childhood at the indoor pool and eating ice cream from the 7-Eleven by the center. He used up the majority of his allowance on the cold treats, but it wasn’t like he was saving the money for anything special. He was a simple kid back then. A new pair of jammers was all he needed to be happy. He had joined a swim team too, but they weren’t too close.

 

Rin sighed in relief upon reaching the convenience store, brushing off sweat from the bridge of his nose. Picking up a basket by the sliding doors, he greeted the employee at the counter who looked like she wished to be anywhere but there. Rin smiled in amusement and stepped up to the ice cream freezer. Rin had considered the option of applying for a position at the convenience store multiple times for the mercy of the air conditioning. It’s the worst working during the summer holidays, but it beats imprinting the shape of his ass on a stool in that stuffy store.

 

What does students do during summer vacation anyhow?

 

Rin’s too old to remember what he did, but he knew Rei use to fill his vacation with summer school and extra classes. It drove Rin bonkers. It took days of relentless assurance that Rei will _not_ fail his English class if he missed out on _one_ day of self-revision to finally convince his friend of a trip to the beach. By then Rei had attended enough Matsuoka lessons to swim freely on his own.

 

Rin slid open the freezer and reached for his favorites. Enjoying the cold on his skin.

 

Now he _really_ wanted to go to the beach.

 

Maybe he could leave the shop to Nagisa and leave for a mini trip.

 

Tossing a handful of cold treats into his basket, Rin sweeps his eyes over the selection and paused over a single soda Garigari-Kun in the corner. Picking up the lonely Popsicle, he indicated to the cashier.

 

“Is this the only one you have left?”

 

The girl moved from behind the counter to quickly scan the content of the freezer.

 

“Oh, a gentleman came by a few minutes ago and bought a whole bag of them.” She explained, red fingernail pointed in the general direction of the customer in question.

 

The customer is, of course, long gone. “That’s okay, it’s hot out there.” He doesn't bother looking and chucked the Popsicle in the basket.

 

“We have more at the back. One second sir.”

 

Rin nodded politely, and settled his basket on the front counter. He watched the girl disappear behind the door.

 

Withdrawing his wallet from his back pocket, Rin took out two bills and placed it on the squarish money tray. He swore he had a discount card somewhere and was reaching back into his pants pocket when a movement outside caught his attention.

 

It was hard not to stare. The man was wearing a full suit in the sweltering heat for god sakes. Rin felt like he’s sweating just from looking at him. But it wasn’t the suit that caught Rin’s attention. He had been to the center of Tokyo, he had seen some shit, but this was different.

 

He swore he had seen Suits from somewhere.

 

A celebrity? Suits is definitely in good shape; Rin could see it even with the suit on. The guy was built like an athlete. Broad shoulders, large hands, and freakishly tall. It would explain the suit, but the man didn’t come across to him as a celebrity. Maybe the guy’s an athlete or something. Rin entertained the thought of asking for an autograph. He could give it to Nagisa; the blond likeed that sort of stuff. Rin had seen his subscriptions to Idol Daily.

 

His eyes followed the brunette’s movement past the store window, one arm raised up just under his nose. The man was checking the time on his wrist, _A Rolex_ Rin noted faintly in the back of his mind, trailing his eyes up the man until he was staring directly into green irises.

 

Rin widened his eyes a fraction in surprise, embarrassed at being caught staring.

 

Funnily enough, the man’s expression seemed to mirror his own. Rin watched in fascination as a range of conflicted expressions flickered through the brunette’s face within seconds.

 

Rin didn't know what to do. It was uncomfortable and he felt like he was on some sort of display. He wondered childishly if there was something on his face.

 

He didn’t understand the expression on the man’s face.

 

And he definitely didn’t understand why the name _Makoto_ crossed his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t until later when Nagisa was happily chewing on the mochi ice cream, Rin remembered he had forgotten to get lunch.

 

 

 

 

 

Retiring back upstairs for the evening, Rin unlatched the balcony door to let the night breeze in. Hanging the mosquito net around his futon, he settled in for the night and opened his laptop to check his emails. He hovered over the unread emails sent by his mother and finally decided to open one sent by the delivery company. It was about the delayed shipment for a new toy Nagisa had helped him order. It was another thing he didn’t know existed, and another reason, out of a thousand and one, why hiring Nagisa was the best decision. Feeling the heat of the laptop on top of his thighs, Rin unraveled the hair band on his wrist to keep his hair from sticking to his nape.

 

He really should get a haircut soon.

 

Clicking on his browser icon, he started to type in _good barbershops_ in the search engine when he suddenly stopped.

 

Backspacing quickly, he retyped. _Makoto Japanese athlete._ To his triumph, several links came up. He scanned through all of them. Athlete profiles.

 

Makoto Michiura. Makoto Takahashi. Makoto Kimura. _Nothing_ Rin thought, disappointed. None of them looked like Suits.

 

Setting aside his laptop, Rin sighed and laid down on his futon.

 

He didn’t know what he was expecting to find in the first place.

 

He wasn't an athlete, and his name probably isn't even Makoto. Rin snorted.

 

What a silly and pointless -

 

_Crash._

Rin fumbled upright, suddenly on alert.

 

That sounded like it came from his backdoor.

 

Scrambling to his feet, Rin flipped the net out of his way and peeked over the edge of his balcony. _If it’s those stupid teenagers knocking over my bins again, I swear I’m going to kill them._ He silently seethed.

 

It had happened just last week. He was greeted in the morning by the works of drunken teenagers in the form of torn rubbish bags, leading several trails of rotting fruit peels and moldy bread everywhere. It had taken Rin half the day to clean up the mess. He ended up sweaty, stinky and in an utterly foul mood for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Dreading the stretching silence, Rin feared he was too late. Rushing into a pair of shorts thrown on the floor, Rin stormed down the stairs two at a time. He turns on the back lights and blindly grabbed a toilet plunger, just in case, by the bathroom door before hurling the door open.

 

He expected to see torn trash bags. He’s right.

 

He expected to see fallen trashcans. He’s also correct.

 

He guessed he should’ve also expected to see a drunkard lying in the midst of said trash.

 

He was still learning.

 

Rin hovered by the door for a moment and wondered if he should just leave the man to sleep it off. But then he thought of spending the morning tomorrow scrubbing trash off the curb.

 

He approached the slump figure. “Hey! You, wake up. You can’t sleep here.”

 

He poked the guy hesitantly with the end of the toilet plunger when he received no reply.

 

“Hey. Buddy. Wake up.” Rin is more forceful and determined this time. He moved closer and left the plunger to shake the guy on the arm.

 

He’s startled when the guy inhaled sharply. Rin quickly retracted his hold and frowned, a little wary. Alarm bells were ringing in his head.

 

The guy was clearly not just drunk. Judging from his heavy breathing Rin's unsure if it was due to injury or because he’s wrapped around in a black coat clearly intended for winter usage.

 

“Are you hurt?” Rin asked quietly, arms reaching out to check on him. “Do you need to go to a hospital?”

 

The man grunted and actually managed to swing his arm to bat his hands away. “Fuck off.” He groaned, his voice thick.

 

Rin clicked his teeth, unable to suppress a flicker of agitation. He is a tax paying, law-abiding citizen in the middle of the night, trying to be _nice_ and _helpful_ to a perfect stranger lying in his trash. _What an ungrateful, pain in the ass –_

“Look, here mister,” He hissed, baring his teeth. He gripped the collar of the coat and pulled. The guy’s head swings back. “you can’t just – oh jesus.”

 

Rin’s hands trembled, eyes on the man’s neck. “You’re fucking bleeding. Really badly.” He commented, at a loss.

 

The guy’s shoulder shook.

 

“Let go of me.”

 

Rin’s fingers tightened on the edge of his collar. “I-you need to go, hospital, you-you need a doctor.” He managed to stutter out, tugging at the man more insistently. He hated the sound of his shaky voice.

 

“I _said_ , let go of me.”

 

Rin’s hands are shaken off forcefully and he stumbled back from the impact. Angry, Rin opened his mouth to retort.

 

_“Where the fuck is he?”_

Rin snapped his mouth shut, heart thumping. His eyes darted down towards the end of the alleyway where two agitated voices spoke in sharp exchanges. 

 

“Don’t worry. Orca cut him down pretty badly. If anything, he’ll bleed out.”

 

“Tch. I don’t like leaving loose threads.”

 

Rin felt sick to his stomach. He’s not sure, but he’s pretty sure whatever the two were talking about has something to do with the bleeding man lying a foot away from his backdoor.

 

Springing into action, with a lot more resolve and adrenaline this time, Rin managed to haul the man to his feet with surprisingly little resistance. The man swayed from the momentum and slumps his whole weight against Rin. And _fuck he’s heavy_. Rin almost toppled over. The man is easily a foot taller than him and there’s no doubt he lifted way more than Rin does. But he must be kidding if he thought Rin was going to let him die in an alleyway surrounded by Haru’s takeout containers.

 

Gritting his teeth, Rin managed to drag the half limp man into the threshold of his home. Laying the man down against the wall, Rin dashed to close the door and fumbled with the locks. Splaying his palm against the door frame, he waited for any signs of noise. After what felt like an eternity, Rin finally let out the breath he was holding and turned around to face the troublemaker.

 

Their eyes met, and for the second time that day Rin watched as the man’s expression twist into something that he doesn’t quite understand.

 

“Rin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coincidentally I made Makoto's role bigger than intended. This is what happens when you don't plan things out.


	3. iii

_No doctors_ , he said.

 

Rin grumbled.

 

_Don’t call an ambulance. Don’t call the police. Don’t do anything, just let me handle it._

Rin paced back and forth, body restless and eyes glued to the bathroom door. It had been a while since the man had gone in there with his first aid box and the sewing kit Gou left behind. Rin was partially relieved he didn’t have to help patch the man up, he wouldn’t have done a good job anyways. He wasn’t good with blood. He could barely even stand to watch those medical dramas Haru liked so much. But left alone wandering in the kitchen with only the company of the microwave clock, Rin could feel his sanity slowly slipping away.

 

He was too busy scouting the cabinets for his first aid to see any damage beyond the winter coat. Rin had only caught a glimpse of blood on the collar of the man’s button-down, but the way he had slumped against the wall, doubled over, made Rin realize the injury must be bad.

 

Getting tired of circling around the kitchen table for the thousandth time, Rin turned around to head for the bathroom.

 

It had been silent for quite a while now, _exactly twelve minutes and forty eight seconds_ , and Rin was afraid that the man might’ve passed out.

 

He couldn’t deal with _that_.

 

Tentatively Rin knocked on the door. He winced when the interruption sounded impossibly loud in his ears.

 

“Are you alright in there?”

 

Just as Rin expected, only silence greeted him.

 

Not to be deterred, Rin pressed the shell of his ear to the door. He waited for a moment before a slight shuffling sound was heard beyond the door. He breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“I’m coming in.”

 

Without waiting for an answer, Rin poked his head in nervously, fingers gripping the handle.

 

The man was leaning against the bathtub half naked, with his button-down torn and tossed on the side next to him. His eyes automatically locked on the teal orbs of a giant killer whale inked on the expansion of the man’s chest.

 

With the sudden feeling of comprehension, Rin stopped and backtracked the events that transpired just minutes before.

 

_Of course he would be a yakuza._

 

Despite being covered in fresh blood, Rin could see the map of tattoos that covered most of his skin. The indelible matrix of designs ran from the tip of his angular jawline down to each single knuckle, it was chaotic and complex, with too many stories to tell hidden underneath new blemishes. Rin trailed his eyes down the man’s naked torso, heart dropping a little more with each scar counted in his head.

The man’s eyes were closed and Rin suspects the man was taking a break in the middle of threading. His gaze sweeps briefly over the strained features and notes that the man might be close to his age. Even with his eyes closed, the man still held an air of intimidation. Jaws locked, brows furrowed and knuckles white, Rin can’t help but to feel a twinge of sympathy.

 

Lowering his eyes, Rin stepped inside the bathroom silently. He carefully avoided the blood soaked towels and reached for a clean one on the shelf. He ran it under warm water and squeezed the excess water from the towel. He shifted closer to the man sitting on the tiles and kneeled to face him.

 

From up close, Rin can clearly see the severity of the injury now; a large gash ran from the base of the neck down to the lower abdomen. It wasn’t deep enough to be fatal, but it was wide enough that the man could have bled out overnight with no medical attention. Rin watched, sick to his stomach as the man peeled his eyes open again to thread the tip of the sterilized needle into the expansion of his skin and maneuvered it over the opening until the silver tip appeared on the other side. The man was gritting his teeth, but Rin could hear the constant intake of erratic breaths.

 

Lifting the warm towel against the man’s pale cheeks, Rin started dabbing away the sweat gathered around the man’s nose bridge and dark hairline. The redhead wanted to laugh. The gesture was so ridiculously intimate and yet here he was, tending to a complete stranger like he was the man’s goddamn lover.

 

He could feel the man’s movement cease and Rin almost expect him to bat his hands away. Instead those dark eyes shifted to him, and all of a sudden Rin became well aware of the distance, or the lack of, between them. He cursed silently, feeling his cheeks flush in embarrassment at the sudden realization. The man had halted his movements to stare at him. Rin knew it was a silent question, but he wasn’t in a condition where he could explain it himself.

 

“I’m not looking for trouble.” Rin muttered, hanging the towel on the side of the bathtub. He reached around for the bottle of antibiotic ointment on the floor. “So you can stay here until you get better.”

 

Rin lowered his head and his long hair fell to curtain his face. He doesn’t want imagine the look on the man’s face. He doesn’t want to regret his decision. Instead, he focused far too intently on the stitching.

 

It was ugly and clumsy against the map of artwork on his chest. The cut just happened to slash across the body of the large killer whale inked just above the heart, tearing the mammal in half. Rin raised the cotton to apply ointment carefully on the puffy skin around the tattooed animal. From the corner of his eyes, he sees the man’s movement start up again.

 

The man exhales roughly through his nostrils.

 

Rin takes that as a resignation.

 

 

 

 

 

With the exception of Nagisa’s absence, Rin carried on with his daily routines as usual.

 

_“I don’t need you to work for the next few days, so take a break for a while.”_

_“Ehhhhhhhhh? But Rinrin-“_

_“Don’t call me that. I’ll contact you soon.”_

 

He kept himself busy throughout the day. Sorting out the display cases. Ordering new stock. Cleaning the storage space. It wasn’t hard, there was too much to do. He greeted his customers, chased away troublemakers, and was proud he only nodded off once despite how little he had slept.

 

Rin still went to Haru’s for lunch and he still went on snack runs.

 

Only now, he’s buying for two.

 

“Can you do me a favor?”

 

It was after an afternoon of deliberation, Rin finally found himself in front of Haru.

 

“Can you go to the supermarket to buy some groceries for me?”

 

The dark haired man shot him a suspicious look from beyond the counter.

 

“Please? You have a car and I can’t leave the shop. It’s not much, just a few things.”

 

Haru frowned. “Why can’t you have Nagisa watch the shop?”

 

“He’s not working today.”

 

Warily, Rin watched as the stony man turn back to the sink, roughly drying his hands on the edge of his apron. His movements are sharp and jerky, restless even. Rin is no stranger to the chef’s quite moods, but clearly something was on the chef’s mind.

 

“I’m busy.” Haru says shortly. His back turned to Rin. “Just take something from here.”

 

Rin cursed his luck. Out of all the days, Haru had to be in a terrible mood today.

 

“Okay, but can I borrow some rice and a few garnishes from your inventory?”

 

There was a slight pause and Rin fears that Haru was about to reject him.

 

“Fine. Just don’t make a mess of things.”

 

Breathing out in relief, Rin swings under the counter door before Haru could change his mind. “Thanks Haru, I owe you one.”

 

Haru doesn’t reply but Rin knows he’s waiting for some sort of explanation. The redhead licks his lips nervously and reached for a small jar of shredded salted salmon. He doesn’t want to share any more details than necessary. It was already dangerous enough for him to harbor a heavily injured yakuza up in his bedroom, he didn’t want to bring trouble to the sushi restaurant as well.

 

Plus, the less people know the more likely that this story will prove to be an interesting dinner conversation later on.

 

 

 

 

 

This was probably a first.

 

Rin sighed as he flipped the sign on the door to ‘close’. He drew down the curtains from the edge of the windows and checked the locks. It was still quite early and the sun was still up, but Rin could already feel the paranoia gnawing on his nerves.

 

In hand with a new roll of bandages, he set off up the stairs.

 

After last night, Rin had the most difficult time helping the man up to his bedroom. He could tell the man was on his last stroke of strength as soon as they pushed past the last step. The man’s eyes were already closed when his head hit the pillow, and Rin could only watch the rise and fall of his bandaged chest as he sat, catching his breath. Without anywhere else to rest, Rin had to resort in setting up a little sleeping area in the little living room area. The attempt to sleep proved futile when his alarm altered him awake only half an hour later.

 

Peering in from the bedroom door, Rin’s eyes rested on the motionless figure on the futon. He made sure to see the fluctuation of his chest before heading in quietly. His worries flared up when he saw the glass of water he put next to the man in the morning remain untouched. Settling down the new bandage, Rin shuffled closer to the man and gently peeled the thin cover of the blanket from the man’s torso.

 

Rin jerked back when a large hand shot up to grip harshly around his wrist.

The man’s eyes blinked open, first surveying his surroundings before turning them on Rin.

 

“It’s alright. I just need to change your bandages.” Rin breathed out softly, not wanting to startle him any further.

 

He waited as recognition passed in those eyes, before a flash of unknown emotion. Rin swallowed slowly and the tight grip around his wrist fell back down on the futon.

 

The man let Rin reapply a layer of ointment and, a little less reluctantly, sat still with his arms raised while the redhead redressed fresh new bandages. Trying to drink water also proved to be a challenge, much to the man’s disappointment. _Obviously you’re not fine,_ Rin had snapped, snatching the glass from the others' hand to feed the man himself. Eventually, they agreed on using a straw tomorrow to make it easier on his wounds. Watching the man grow frustrated, then exasperated was amusing to Rin, not that he’ll admit it. It was almost endearing how such a large and frightening man had been reduced to sulking from the mere thought of drinking water from a straw.

 

Leaving the man down on his back again, Rin trotted down to the kitchen to take out the ingredients from Haru. Living a bachelor life meant Rin having to never cook for himself. The rare times that he had were for special occasions. But usually it was Gou who would bring bags of groceries to perform magic in his kitchen, or otherwise he’ll be eating from Haru’s place. It was delicious, conveniently close and discounted just for him. Rin had offered Haru a similar discount for the items in his shop, but the guy had yet to take that sweet deal. It was a shame too, since Haru was so obsessed with dolphins Rin had taken it upon himself to save a special edition of a vibrating dolphin cock ring.

 

Understandably Rin decided to make rice porridge.

 

Rin was no culinary master, but no dummy on this earth could possibly mess up rice porridge.

 

He opened up a recipe page just in case though.

 

Just as scheduled, it only took the rice porridge 15 minutes to cook and cool down. Rin, the ever gracious host headed up to his guest armed with the bowl of porridge and several toppings balanced on a tray.

 

He settled the food down on the futon and helped the man up, back against the wall.

 

“What’s this?”

 

Rin looked at him like he was stupid.

 

“Rice porridge. To eat.” Rin mimicked the action of raising a spoon to his mouth.

 

“I know that. But I’m not hungry.” The man deadpanned.

 

Rin huffed and pushed the table tray further towards the man.

 

“If you want to get better you’d eat.” Rin scolded as he would to a child. “You wouldn’t want to stay here forever, would you?” A silver spoon dipped into the porridge.

 

“I mean, if you’re going to spoon feed me.” The man raised his eyebrows.

 

Rin flushed, raising the spoon from the bowl, guiding the rice into the man’s mouth with a little more force than necessary. The man made a little choking sound.

 

Rin watched the shift of the man’s throat as he swallowed. Pink tongue darting out to lick the remains off the silver cutlery. He licks his lips.

 

“Is this the first time you’ve made rice porridge?”

 

Rin squawks indignantly. “Does it taste bad?”

 

So this is how a mother must feel.

 

A low throaty chuckle slips past the man’s lips. Rin is surprised at how genuine it sounds.

 

The suddenness of the action made the man double over in pain, hands raised automatically over the gash on his chest.

 

“Careful.” Rin warned, hands on the others' arm immediately.

 

The man shakes his head, a small fond smile on his lips. He flicker his dark eyes up to meet Rin’s. “It’s good.”

 

Heat spreads across his chest, and Rin is suddenly left feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it’s the compliment or the smile that caught Rin off guard, but the feeling is still uncalled for.

 

“It’s just rice porridge, stupid. Anyone can make it.” Rin muttered, dipping the spoon in the bowl again.

 

The man shook his head slightly. “Not everyone. My mother, for instance made terrible rice porridge.”

 

Rin looked up in surprise.

 

“The consistency was always off. Whether it was too much rice or too much water.” The man’s voice lowered. “Regardless, it’s the porridge I’d eat a hundred times while incapacitated in bed.”

 

Wordlessly Rin stirred the spoon around the porridge and raised it to the man’s lips again. He watched as the man opened his mouth to accept, pearly white teeth grazing the sides of the spoon.

 

“My mum’s not a good cook. Her only specialty was spicy food.” Rin admitted.

 

The man threw him an amused smile. “Is that why your trash is filled with sushi containers?”

 

Rin huffed, embarrassed. “I have a store to watch. I don’t really have the time to go to the market and cook for myself.”

 

“Plus, my palate’s used to the food mum makes.” Rin added, defensively.

 

“Well you know the saying. Happiness is your mother’s cooking.”

 

Rin raised his eyebrow. That was awfully sentimental.

 

“Including her porridge?”

 

His lip curved. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do just to taste that shitty porridge of hers again.”

 

Rin sees the slight crease between the man’s eyebrows and doesn’t comment any further. He didn’t want to pry into personal matters. The mood was light and comfortable, but Rin feels like he’s heading in the direction of a landmine.

 

“Well you can come to me when you’re incapacitated.” The words left his mouth before he could stop himself.

 

He froze.

 

_Shit. What was that?_

 

Hilariously the man’s expression morphed into one of shock. Rin wished he could’ve captured it on camera.

 

Rin laughed humorlessly. “I make kickass rice porridge.”

 

The man spoke very little after that, much to Rin’s disappointment.

 

 

 

 

 

_Red eyes fluttered open, once, twice, thrice, and waits for the vision to adjust to the darkness._

_Once he’s able to make out his surroundings, he immediately recognizes the familiar scene. Rin finds himself standing upright, and directly in front of him, a small figure stood alone in the distance. A figure Rin meets often when he dreams._

_The shape is of a boy Rin can’t quite put a face to._

_His presence is close and he’s in hearing distance, Rin knows. He wants to reach out and close the distance between them, but his feet are rooted on the spot._

_He decides to call out instead._

_The boy’s presence has never been unwelcome. He’s never been hostile when Rin doesn’t understand. He’s never lashed out when Rin says the wrong things. He’s always just existed aimlessly in this dark realm of Rin’s mind._

_The boy talks about going to space again. This time he says he’s really going. With or without Rin._

_From where he stood Rin could only listen, to those same words, in that same faraway tone as he always have in the past. The boy reminisces of happy times melancholy, words laced with a sadness of something lost in the past. It’s like the boy speaks as if he’s conversing with someone Rin can’t see, can’t hear. He’s left with only half of the puzzle and no idea how to find the other half._

_“Don’t go.” The childish voice slips past Rin’s mouth. It was loud even to him, desperate._

_There’s something about being left behind that unsettles him. He feels sick to his stomach._

_He doesn’t want this to be the last time._

_“I can show you something beautiful. Right here.” A young Rin pleaded. “I’ll show you a sight you’ve never seen before.”_

_So don’t leave me. Don’t leave me and I’ll take all of your sadness away._

_Rin watched the figure sway further away from where he stood. He panics and tries to move, fingers outstretched to push himself forward. From this distance, Rin thinks how perfectly the figure fitted in his hands. His palm encloses around thin air and Rin releases a shaky breath._

_“You can’t help me, Rin.” It was a faint reply. Rin can barely see the figure at this stage._

_Something twitching beyond his peripherals draws his attention down to his extended hand. A small cicada was convulsing on the space between his thumb and index finger. The wingless thing was missing all its legs._

_“It’s all your fault.” The boy’s was louder this time, making Rin flinch, voice dripping with unadulterated resentment._

_The air around him seems to vanish all at once and Rin chokes. Fearfully, Rin tries to raise his hands to claw at the collar of his shirt but finds his body unresponsive. Frozen on the spot, feet buried firmly within the ground, he’s been left all alone and in the dark._

_Help. Rin sobs silently._

_“Are you happy you’ve made me just like you?”_

_On his hand, the cicada stills._

 

 

Rin woke up in cold sweat.

 

Raising himself upright from the pile of blankets on the living room floor, Rin calmed his pounding heart. He flicked away a few stray hairs from his face before peeling off the tank top sticking to his chest, tossing it aside. Emotions twisting into frustration at the heat, he decided to move to his room. Stealthily, Rin maneuvered past the open door and around the small room with relative ease. Dropping his pillow near the open balcony doors, Rin laid down, feeling better already as his sweaty back pressed against the cool floorboards.

 

He was still feeling unnerved from the dream and the heat made it twice as bad. These dreams were not irregular, but it was the first time he was confronted. He knew the dreams meant something, but everything is in riddles and he can’t comprehend any of it.

 

Tossing his hair away from his neck, he turned on his side and rested his eyes on the broad back of his guest across the room. Rin felt a little funny, having a stranger invade his personal space. He had adjusted everything in his life based on a party of one. With the rare exceptions of Gou or Rei staying over from late night visits, he usually filled in the space by himself. With another body in here, the room felt too small and confined. It was just like the dorms at university Rin disliked so much. But unlike the situation there, Rin didn’t feel like he minded the man too much. Though given the situation, it wasn’t like Rin had any other choice.

 

It was surprisingly easy to converse with the yakuza man. As intimidating and mouthy the man had been when Rin first discovered him, the man had morphed into a more compliant personality, which Rin found amusing. From their earlier conversation, the man had shared a personal moment willingly and Rin responded with one of his own. The ease of the conversation made Rin yearn for the company of someone other than his hyperactive employee and the tight-lipped sushi owner.

 

Perhaps they could have been good friends in another world, Rin mused tiredly, eyelids heavy on the man’s naked back.

 

Lulled by the others' steady breath, Rin fell into a dreamless sleep.


	4. iv

If Rin wasn't roused from his slumber by the sunlight roasting his face the next morning, he would’ve missed the sound of keys at his door just moments after he toasted his bread.

 

“It hasn’t even been a day.” Rin sighed at the blonde.

 

Rin thought his little employee would’ve been happy with the time off, with the exception of the extended heat exposure, he was a healthy youngster who should prefer spending time with his friends than at work. But Rin should have known not to disregard the blonde too easily, because now he had Nagisa standing defiantly on his doorstep, looking expectant and a little scandalous with a little green backpack and booty shorts.

 

“Haru told me you need help. He chewed me out for it and then said it was too troublesome.” Nagisa pouted.

 

Rin clicked his teeth. Haru should keep his mouth shut.

 

“When did you start listening to Haru? And anyways he's just exaggerating, everything is a bother to him. Go play, I’ll call you when I need you.” Blocking the blonde’s futile attempt to shuffle past him, Rin put up his hands and forced Nagisa back a few steps.

 

“When Haru’s worried. And when did you start cooking for yourself?”

 

“Just because I don't do it in front of you doesn't mean I don't cook. Jesus, can you let go?” Rin tugged at the small fingers hooked stubbornly around the doorknob. “Go home Nagisa, I gave you days off so please just pretend to be a normal person and stop bothering me.”

 

“It’s too hot at home.” Nagisa cried as his grip was forcefully loosened. He shot a tearful look at his employer, nursing his fingers. “Why did you give me a break anyway? What changed?”

 

“I need to sort some stuff out. It’s business, sorry Nagisa. I’ll make it up to you when you come back okay?” He leaned forward and patted the younger man on the shoulder before the other can ask any more questions.

 

“How? Like free snacks for a year?”

 

 _As if you pay for them at all._ “Agreed.”

 

The blonde beamed and Rin was momentarily amazed at how his employee can go from 0 to 100 in a split second.

 

"I'm gonna go ahead and guess you know exactly what you're wearing."

 

"This little thing?" Nagisa widened his eyes innocently and gave the older man a little twirl. The degree of tightness of the fabric gave Rin the answer he was not seeking.

 

Yep. 100.

 

"Share the poor person some dignity okay? I'll call you." With a little wave, Rin managed to successfully shut the door.

 

Nagisa’s smile dropped at the closed door. 

 

 

 

 

 

Rin was surprised to see the Yakuza half dressed when he reached back upstairs.

 

“You’re up?”

 

The man grunted in reply as he fumbled with the buttons of his shirt. “I called my subordinates. A car’s coming.”

 

“You’re going? In the condition you’re in?” Rin asked in disbelief. He hurt from just looking at the other man’s state.

 

“Did you get attached?” The man raised his eyebrow.

 

Rin shook his head in annoyance. What sort of question is that? “That’s not the point. You’re going to move around and reopen those stitches.”

 

The man shook his head. “I’m going to get proper treatment. My stitching isn’t exactly something that’s going to ensure a speedy recovery.”

 

Rin grunted. He's not happy, but he's not going to argue with that. “Just don’t start bleeding everywhere.” 

 

The corner his lips curved, but Rin wasn't so sure if it was a poor attempt of a smile or the pain of his stitches. “I’m fine. This isn’t the worst I’ve experienced.”

 

“I guess it comes with the job, huh.” Ignoring the humorless smile shot at him, Rin reached across and grasped the shirt from the struggling man. He was careful to button over the bandages, leaving the top four untouched. “Going around at this time in the morning, people are going to mistake you for a host.”

 

“Better than a Yakuza.”

 

Holding out his hand, Rin assisted the man carefully down the flight of stairs. With the other fully conscious, it was a much simpler task than the first time.

 

“You know I was actually a host for a few months, back when I was in university.”

 

The man glanced at him in shock. “A host? You?”

 

Settling down at the kitchen counter, Rin assisted the taller man down with relative ease and signaled at the cooling kettle. The man shook his head. “I needed money back then. It was a job and it was easy enough. Talking to girls is my specialty, but the dress up themes were terrible.”

 

“Ladies man, I see.”

 

“I’ll thank my sister for that. Countless hours spent in her wake had me accustomed to things men shouldn’t ever be exposed to.”

 

“You do seem like the sensitive type.”

 

“Oi, unlike you I don’t need to compensate for anything.” Rin snapped, folding his arms defensively. He decided he preferred the man when he’s knocked out cold.

 

The man snickered. “If it was so great why are you handling an adult store?”

 

Rin shrugged. “I would need a new liver every five years if I stayed as a host. Besides, I wanted something of my own, you know? Having something that’s entirely from your efforts. I like the independence that comes with this.”

 

“I’m sure your family was ecstatic about this independent decision.”

 

Rin’s fingers played with a loose strand of hair on his head nervously.

 

“Sore area?”

 

“No, my mum and sister are okay with whatever I do, but they’re nice people so I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t know how we’re even related.”

 

“You’re not nice?” The man tucked his hand underneath his chin. 

 

Rin shook his head slowly and raised his eyes to meet the other. “I don’t know, depends on who’s asking. Do you think you’re a nice person?”

 

“I don’t know, depends who’s asking. Do _you_ think I’m a nice person?”

 

The man smiled, and again like a reoccurring song, something familiar cross those teal orbs. It made Rin realize something important, he straightened up.

 

“I wanted to ask. Did you call me Rin that night?”

 

The man paused, and Rin could see the tension on his lower jawline. All that adrenaline and excitement from the night made Rin unsure if he had imagined his own name coming out of the man’s mouth. At the time it wasn’t among the top ten priorities that Rin had listed on top of his head. 

 

“Yeah. My mistake.” The man admitted, his eyes lowered to focus on Rin’s college hoodie. It was something Rin had pulled out from underneath his laundry pile, a grey hoodie that was fraying at the seams and smelled like old memories and damp socks. “You looked like someone I use to know.”

 

“Wow.” Rin breathed out. There was an unexplainable feeling in his chest, and it wasn’t him pushing down the stupid urge to ruin the moment to sing that song. “That’s one hell of a coincidence, because my name is Rin.”

 

Rin leaned uncomfortably close to the man across the counter, it amused him to see the man visibly shrink back on his chair. Sometimes he acted like he was afraid of Rin. “I have a doppelganger with the same name somewhere in this world?”

 

The man gave him a wiry smile. “I guess you’re similar to him in many aspects. But very different.”

 

“You say it like he’s someone close to you.”

 

“He was my best friend.” His voice was firm and final; it was all he was willing to share.

 

Taking the hint, Rin patted the man’s resting hands awkwardly. He wasn't good with comforting people. “I think he would’ve been happy to hear you say that.”

 

The man looked back at him.

 

“Sometimes life carries us away from our loved ones, it sucks but it’s something we have to overcome. I mean my best friend is a lab researcher and I think he basically lives there. I barely see him.”

 

“Your best friend?”

 

“His name is Rei. He really needs a girlfriend so I don’t need to call everytime to check if he’s changed his underwear.” Rin snorts. “You’d think someone who’s academically smart could at least take care of themself.”

 

“You’ve known him for a long time?”

 

“A little before junior high. He was, and still is a hermit, and I was a bit of a problem child back then.”

 

“And he was your first friend ever?”

 

“Yeah. Well, I mean as far as I can remember.” Rin’s hands hovered over the top of his head. “I had a bit of an accident before that so I don’t remember things well. There’s a scar on my head, and they told me it was memory loss. I never really got it back so I don’t – hey are you ok?”

 

The man’s death grip on the ledge of the counter was turning his knuckles white. The moment was ruined by the shrill ringing from the man's coat pocket. Rin shook a little in alarm as the man violently pushed back the chair he was sitting on, causing a ear splitting screech against the tiles.

 

“Are you ok?” Rin cringed, digging at his ears. He stumbled clumsily after the man striding across the room, or trying to.

 

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Rin chided as the man tripped a little in his hurry. He reached forward to grasp the other’s arm but found himself being pushed back.

 

“Don’t. I can walk. Thanks,” The man grinded his teeth. “for everything.”

 

Rin gaped. “You must be kidding me, are you angry?”  

 

“Stop, Rin.”

 

“What for? I’ve been nothing but friendly to you jackass; I thought we were just having a normal conversation. You’re the one who _barged_ into my space and asked me all these personal questions, when I don’t even know your name!”

 

The man was shaking, hand clenched in a fist. Perhaps this was what he looked like the night he was cut, in pain. “ _God_ , Rin, I’m not angry at you. I’m just angry. At everything.” Maybe even worse now, because Rin can't understand the expression up close and in broad daylight. It wasn't something he wanted to see.

 

“Why?” Rin felt strange. It wasn’t the first time the man had called out his name. But it was something too familiar now, past the line of being just strangers who crossed paths by accident.

 

The man’s face contorted like he was asked an impossible question; and maybe it was. Nonetheless, it didn’t make Rin less frustrated and he wanted to reach out and strangle the words right out of the man’s throat.

 

The pounding on the door interrupted the man’s internal dilemma. In a split second his expression hardened and everything on the tip of his tongue was gone. He shook his head firmly, more at himself than at the only other occupant in the room. “Goodbye Rin.”

 

Rin stood rooted to the spot in the kitchen and watched as the man disappeared out the front door. The little bell chimed pathetically and Rin is left standing along in the kitchen with a horrible feeling that everything was wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

He was halfway up the stairs before the knocks on the door started.

 

Rin groaned. He didn’t need any more visitors today. Visiting hours for today was officially over. Rin Matsuoka is closed for business, dammnit. He’d happily cave in and spend the rest of the day as a bed burrito. But nothing goes as planned, as usual. The bed, the sheets, the pillow, and basically everything in his room were filled with the remains of the fucker’s existence.

 

“What the hell have you been doing?”

 

If Rin was a bigger person, he would reflect back to this moment and admit he almost pissed his pants.

 

“Wha shit- _Jesus Christ Haru_ , what the hell are you doing in my house?!” Rin hissed and grabbed his toe in pain, he really needed to change the position of that coffee table.

 

“There was a Yakuza car outside your store.” Haru held up a chain of spare keys in his hand and watched unsympathetically as the redhead glared at him from the floor.

 

“I gave you those in case of emergencies. And how the hell could you tell if it was a Yakuza car?”

 

Haru looked at him like he was stupid. “It’s hard to miss a bunch of tattooed men in suits who regulate this strip of establishments every fortnight.”

 

Rin rolled his eyes, nudging the man down the stairs and away from his bedroom. “Save it smartass. He was just a customer.”

 

“Your shop is closed.” Haru frowned, digging his heels in the carpet.

 

“Yes, yes I know. He was a special customer. He wanted some rare antique octipi cocks for his girlfriend.” He pulled at his friend’s arm. “C’mon. I’m touched you’re so worried about me but I need sleep so you gotta to get going.”

 

“You need to check your phone. Your mum had to call me, I don't know how she got my number.”

 

Rin paused, suddenly serious. “What for?”

 

“Gou’s hurt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin's going on a little trip next. Things will start to make sense. Hopefully.


	5. v

Rin is scared of a lot of things.

 

He is scared of showering with his eyes closed.

 

He is scared the leaky pipes on the second floor will mold his ceiling.

 

He is scared of the electricity bill when Nagisa forgets to turn off all the display cases.

 

But he is terrified when he sees the white room, white sheets and whiter faces.

 

“We’ve got to stop meeting here.” He muttered quietly, stopping a few steps away from the motionless figure wrapped around endless cords and wires connected to ugly, noisy machines.

 

The eldest Matsuoka doesn’t turn to acknowledge her son.

 

It was like a replica of 15 years ago.

 

This was some kind of universal joke.

 

“Was it Saito’s group?”

 

He directed the question at the silent man by the door.

 

His sister’s subordinate.

 

The man gritted his teeth and nodded shortly, without looking up.

 

“Was it an attack by them? Or us?”

 

This time the man tilted his head up so Rin can finally see his face. Red angry marks marred the side of a youthful looking face. An age not uncommon in the family, but uncommon as a direct subordinate under the boss. There was anger in his eyes, directed at Rin.

 

Rin watched the young man take great efforts in unhinging his unwilling jaw to answer back.

 

“They don’t know if she’s going to wake up.”

 

The voice made both men turn.

 

Rin almost smiled when he’s met with the same blank expression he had grown up with. His mother is nothing, if not consistent.

 

“There will be a meeting with the Heads today.” She announced.

 

The eldest Matsuoka stood up slowly, taking one last lingering look at the figure on the bed, before approaching her son.

 

“It’s time to stop playing.”

 

Fingers gripping tightly around her loose shawl, the elder Matsuoka brushed past him and out the door with a click of her heels. The man paused to give Rin one last look before following her out.

 

Withdrawing his shaking hands from his pants pocket, Rin drew a deep breath. He counted to ten in his head before attempting to inch closer to the bedside, expecting Gou to sit up at any moment and scold him for being late.

 

Rin watched the rise and fall of her chest in silence.

 

The figure of his sister on the bed reminded Rin momentarily of fourth grade Gou down with the flu. Her small tired eyes would dart across the room to watch Rin put on his school shoes from the couch, whining at the unfairness of her faulty immune system. Even back then, he would’ve liked to swap places with her.

 

Steadying his sweaty hands, his fingers shifted into the shape of a gun. He pressed the tip of the barrel on her forehead, watching her peaceful features, an expression he hadn’t seen in a long time.

 

“He’d be real mad seeing you there first.”

 

A strand of red hair curled away from the tubes before falling among the rest, spilling out from her crown like blood from a point blank.

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know how long it’s going to take.”

 

“Is it serious?”

 

Rin paused. “Close up shop for now. Put a sign on the door or something.”

 

“I can manage it.”

 

“I know, but do this for me. I’ll sort out everything when I come back.”

 

“…okay.”

 

Rin sighed, hearing the sound of a bell ring from the other end of the receiver.

 

“Sorry Nagisa.”

 

“Come back soon.” The voice on the other end was small, and distant.

 

A small cough made Rin look up. The subordinate from before was looking at him expectantly.

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

Ending the call, Rin stood up from the courtyard bench and straightened the black suit they made him change into. It was uncomfortable in the morning heat; he was already beginning to sweat.

 

“The car’s ready.” The man said coldly.

 

Rin nodded. “Who’s on watch here?”

 

“Two of my men.”

 

Rin’s eyes shifted over the man’s leg. “You too?”

 

The man nodded in confirmation.

 

“Is that enough?”

 

The man paused, mouth tight.

 

“I’m asking if that’s enough. You’re leaning your whole weight on one leg.”

 

“I’m more than capable, sir.” The man replied stiffly.

 

_And yet she’s like this._

_Whose fault do you think this is?_

 

Meeting the cold, defiant eyes again, Rin decided to hold his tongue.

 

 

 

 

 

_Home is where the heart is._

 

When his sister first watched that movie, she didn’t quite understand Dorothy.

 

“Home is not a physical place, dummy. It’s where your heart is.”

 

“Don’t call me a dummy, dummy.”

 

“Look here.” Rin poked his finger above her heart. “Everything is stored in here. Your memories, your feelings, everything that’s precious to you, it’s all in here. And no matter where you go, your heart will always be with the ones who love you and you love. So, your home is where your heart is.”

 

“That’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid just because you don’t get it.” Rin huffed.

 

“I so get it! This is my home. My heart, with mummy, daddy, you and my friends. This is my home.”

 

Rin jumped slightly when the door of the playroom opened.

 

“Right, right? I _do_ get it. This is our home.”

 

Rin felt small fingers stabbing at his heart. He looked up at his father wearing a twisted expression, silently demanding his attention.

 

At the time, Rin already knew something was wrong.

 

_“Rin.”_

 

Rin’s still unsure where his heart lies.

 

 

 

 

 

Rin was surprised when he was greeted by an older version of the subordinate from the hospital.

 

“Ah, it’s finally nice to meet the real Rin Matsuoka.”

 

The handshake was warm and strong. His eyes matched.

 

Must be the older brother. Rin mused. Both had the same hostility, this one hid it better.

 

“We’ve appointed a guide for you today, just to get you situated nicely.” The man directed Rin to a wide spaced living room. “He’s running a little bit late, so you’ll have to bear with me for a while.”

 

The room was in a secluded spot within the house with plenty of sunlight streaming from the glass window. Rin eyed the display of hydrangeas covering the empty spaces in the room and around the window frames.

 

It smelled nauseating.

 

“Tea?” The man offered.

 

Rin shook his head. “Fill me on the situation here.”

 

The man leaned back on his seat, nursing his own cup of tea. “ I suppose even you know about the conflict between Saito and Samezuka.”

 

Rin shot him an irritated look.

 

“The last month have seen the loss of two sections from us. It wasn’t small, either. Whole strips of businesses were taken away, and it’s done considerable damage to our right wing. The amount of casualties as of yet has been thankfully minimal. But then this unfortunate incident happened, which makes us extremely vulnerable right now. To them we’ve lost land, we’ve lost face and now we’re on the verge of losing our leader.”

 

“My mother is the backbone of this family.”

 

“Yes, but your mother is a woman. So that backbone can’t ever be the head.”

 

“I didn’t know we were still playing children’s games.”

 

“Well then I guess you don’t know a whole lot. Every war needs a leader to believe in, a general to pave the path to victory, and in this world it’s always a man. You are an Matsuoka heir, and you can represent us now that your sister can no longer pretend to be you.”

 

“Don’t speak like she’s dead.”

 

The man smiled. “Oh, I have no doubt she’ll make a full recover. But while the princess is sleeping, her merry men are going to get slaughtered. Do you know how much disarray the family is in right now?”

 

“My mother will have no-“

 

The man slammed his fist down on the table, upsetting the tea in his china. “Your mother, your mother, how long are you going to sound like a broken record?”

 

“I am the last person suited for this kind of role.” Rin snapped.

 

“I don’t think you have a choice.”

 

Rin gritted his teeth.

 

“So tell me this. Are you really a coward as they say, or don’t you have any family honour at all?” The man sneered.

 

“Violence is not-”

 

“Violence is what we _need_. With ‘Matsuoka Rin’ in the hospital, it won’t be long before everything falls. This family is weak, and everybody wants a piece of this. The only reason why we’re still afloat is thanks to your father’s connections. But eventually even they won’t be enough.” The man raised himself on his knees and leaned forward. “Look around Rin, everything your family built will be torn down, and you and your family are going to get skinned alive.”

 

“I wish nothing more than to see this empire of ours get torn apart.”

 

There was a moment of surprise before the man leaned back again. Calming down a little.

 

“I have never met a man more willing to have his family die because of him.”

 

Rin paused to stare outside the window, the man’s voice was grating on his last nerve. The smell of the flowers was beginning to make him dizzy. He counted to ten in his head.

 

“You have quite the skill, so I’ve heard.”

 

Rin tensed.

 

“Word goes around that you killed your best friend.”

 

“That’s a goddamn lie.” Rin snapped.

 

“I would love to see that anger put into action, into something more productive.” The man tested. “And I’m not simply talking about a good natured scare here.”

 

“Sounds like you have quite the experience.”

 

“I accept my fate and welcome reality with open arms.”

 

“You must be proud.”

 

“Not very much. Which doesn’t make us very different.”

 

Rin frowned.

 

The man grinned. “You remind me of a kid I roomed with in jail.” Rin watched the man unlatching his fingers to play with the tea droplets on the table. “The kid sat so high on his horse he couldn’t recognize his own perverseness. “ The guy raised his eyes. “Guess what he did every single night?”

 

Rin felt sick to his stomach.

 

“He would jack off to each of his victims every night, replaying their murder over and over again in that little head of his. He would have tears streaming down his face, crying ‘I’m sorry’ ‘I’m sorry’ as he came. And yet he would come to breakfast the next morning and act like everyone around him is the dirt beneath his shoes.”

 

The man stuck a wet finger tip to the corner of his mouth.

 

“So I wonder. When this is over, will you be jacking off to the blood on your hands?”

 

Rin snapped. “You son of a-“

 

“No you listen here Matsuoka.” The man growled, slamming his hand down, suddenly tense and angry. “You have a moral obligation to this family from the moment you spilled out of your mother’s womb. I don’t care why you want your family to die so badly, but this war is going to go on forever, whether it’d be with or without us. And when that time comes, when you finally get what you want, all the blood spilled here will be on your hands.”

 

Furious, Rin jumped up and reached over to snatch the collar of the man, jerking him halfway across the table. The cup knocks over and the tea spills across the table and onto the carpet.

 

“Don’t you _dare_ assume you know anything about me or my family.” Rin shouted, pulling at the man’s collar violently, not caring if the man could breath.

 

“You’re a pussy Matsuoka.” The man sneered.

 

With blood rushing in his ears, Rin drew back his clenched fists and landed one painfully down on the unblemished cheek of the man. The man grunted as a sickening crack sounded but made no attempts to protect himself; Rin didn’t have time to question the lack of response when two strong arms forcefully pulled Rin back on his side of the table and away from the man, now sporting an identical mark on his face as his brother.

 

“What the fuck!” Rin snapped, fury stopped short, his arms bent painfully behind his back.

 

The man across Rin tended to his jaw and jumped up with an unruly grin when he found no broken bones.

 

“Great timing Makoto. I thought my head was going to come off.”

 

The man behind Rin sighed.

 

“Don’t rile him up Mikoshiba.”

 

“Get the hell off.” Rin spat, wrenching his arms away. He stumbled ungracefully a few steps away from the pair, rubbing his arms.

 

“Rin, let me introduce you to Makoto. He’ll be your subordinate, your second in command, your right hand man, the Hitler to your Adolf.”

 

Confused at the sudden turn of events, Rin turned to grace the newcomer a glance.

 

He was surprised when he recognized the familiar face from the convenience store.

 

Freakishly tall and muscular, Makoto smiled kindly down at him like he wasn’t just foaming at the mouth a moment ago.

 

“Seems like Gou entrusted a lot people with her identity.”

 

“Just the people she trusted with her life.” The man rubbed his face. “You’ll be wise now and not speak a word of it to anyone outside of this place.”

 

Makoto smiled, offering his hand. “Nice to meet you Rin. I’ll be helping you out.”

 

“And the only guy who’s willing to put up with you.” The man behind them muttered.

 

Rin swirled around to face him.

 

“And what in the hell is your name?”

 

The man stared back warily. “What does it matter?”

 

“Seijuro Mikoshiba” Makoto helpfully quipped.

 

Rin took a big step towards the man, feeling Makoto’s careful eyes on the back of his head as a warning.

 

“Seijuro Mikoshiba. If I’m going to take charge here, I won’t have you lot running your mouth. If anyone has a problem with me, and I’m sure they all do, tell them to come to me and we’ll sort it out like men.”

 

Mikoshiba barks out a loud laugh. “Is that a promise?”

 

“Why don’t we test that out right now?”

 

“Whoa, alright, we don’t have time for this.” Makoto interjected from behind. “There are a lot of things to be done.”

 

The two turned to him.

 

Mikoshiba snorted. “I’ll take up that offer another time Matsuoka.”

 

Leaving one last withering look, Rin stepped out the room with his new companion. The smell of the hydrangeas is left behind, and suddenly he could breath again.

 

He let himself be led into the back of a sleek, black car. Expensive looking and attention grabbing. _Nothing screams more Yakuza_ Rin thought unhappily.

 

“Where are we going now?”

 

Makoto situated himself next to Rin, taking up most of the space.

 

“You’re meeting the Heads of the family first. They need to see Rin Matsuoka is unharmed and well, unlike the reports. Your mother will be there.”

 

“Great.” Rin muttered, sinking in his seat.

 

“And then you have to meet with the rest of the family. Gou has never personally met them before, one on one.”

 

“Never?” Rin frowned.

 

“It would always be at a distance. Only her presence was needed. It was too risky.”

 

Rin glances over at the towering man. Despite the freakish height, the man looked docile enough to own a day care.

 

“So what’s your role?”

 

The man smiled. “I was in charge of the Iwatobi area.”

 

“Was?”

 

“Well with the recent happenings, they had to reassign roles. Guess I was the most suitable to assist you.”

 

Rin hummed. The man’s positive demeanor unnerved him and made him hard to read. Most suitable indeed.

 

“Iwatobi.” Rin repeated.

 

The man perked up.

 

“Isn’t there a public pool there?”

 

“Ah, is there?”

 

“Yeah. They held swimming competitions there.”

 

“Ah. You must have been really good.” The man laughed softly. “I wouldn’t know. I’m not a good swimmer.”

 

“You have the shoulders for it.”

 

The man raised his eyebrows. “Oh. Um, thank you?”

 

Rin scoffed and turned his head to look outside the window as the pocket of the man started to vibrate.

 

Rin watched from the corner of his eyes as Makoto seemed to pale at the contact name displayed on his phone. The man discreetly glanced at Rin before finally deciding to decline the call. Rin clicked his teeth.

 

There was a lot of work to be done.

 

“Have we met before?”

 

Makoto looked thoughtful. “Don’t think so.”

 

“I saw you in Tokyo.”

 

Rin could’ve sworn the car tilted from Makoto’s sudden movement. “S-Sorry?”

 

“I saw you at downtown Tokyo two days ago. A bit far from Iwatobi, eh?”

 

“Oh. Yes, I was there for a business matter.”

 

“A bit far to conduct business.” He pushed.

 

“It was for a personal thing.”

 

Rin didn’t even have to look at him to see the man was lying through his teeth.

 

“I own a store there.”

 

“Oh really? What kind of store?”

 

“Adult store.”

 

Makoto widened his eyes. “Oh. How nice.”

 

Rin felt like laughing. “Yeah. It was nice.”

 

Rin watched him from the corner of his eyes.

 

The man was smiling with his teeth again.

 

“Maybe I’ll have a look the next time I go there. For business.”

 

Picking absentmindedly at the end of his dress shirt, Rin turned away from the giant to rest his forehead on the glass of the car window, effectively hiding his face.

 

The glass was cold, just like reality hitting him like a ton of bricks.

 

That was out of reach now. Too distant and quiet.

 

“That would be nice.” Rin replied softly.


End file.
